The estimated due date is in view on our large wall calendar, and I have good reason to believe that somewhere near that date is an actual birthday of this baby. The end is near.
I’m realizing that lots of “ends” are near, or within sight. I plan on this being my last pregnancy. Three kids are plenty for our family, and pregnancy is progressively harder on my body and mind. So these are my last weeks of housing someone else inside my body. The last time I will feel kicks and rolls and hiccups in that funny internal way.
I can give away my maternity clothes and the newborn clothes when we are done with them – no more saving for the next go around. Someday (a day that will come sooner than I can imagine) we will be done with rubber tipped spoons, diapers, changing tables…all the accoutrements of babies.
This is terribly exciting and a little bit heartbreaking. It is bittersweet to the core.
For more than six years now we have been deeply immersed in the world of babies and toddlers; one of the most intense places I have ever found myself. But this will be my last newborn, fat infant, chubby toddler… I marvel at my other two kids; at their independence and increasingly lanky bodies. I wonder that they ever could have lived inside of my body. These reflections make me savor my moments with them a little more. I resolve, daily, to try to notice and honor these small moments that are passing by so quickly.
I’m looking forward to the day, some years hence, that we can take the baby locks off the cupboard. I’m looking forward to the day in the near future that my body is comfortably mobile again; when I can bend and reach and roll over in bed. I’m looking forward to that fuzzy newborn head with its special smell…and I’m sure I will cry the day that I realize my baby smells…like…baby instead of newborn. This is the last newborn head that is all mine to smell.
These are moments that pass so quickly and soon fade in the fuzziness of sleepless nights and the overwhelming balancing act of parenting a baby with everything else we do. I wish I could cherish every single moment, each precious cuddle, with all my children. I wish that so many moments did not slip though my memory or get lost in the shuffle of the day.
I am trying to be more conscious of cherishing the now. This moment. Here. Baby waving at us from its cosy spot while its brother and sister blow raspberries on my belly and sing it little songs. This moment, when a kiss and a cuddle really can still make my little folks’ whole world right again. Brother -Bug is entering the land of the full-fledged kid. There is no more baby fat on his gorgeous self. He asserts his independence in a new way every day.
I can see that the end of babyhood in our house is in sight, and I can look ahead to days of three kids; big kids who all do big kid things. I can’t imagine it, but I can see it coming. Every trite cliché you’ve ever heard about parenting and time is true. I guess that is why they are clichés.
While writing this article I was remind about this lovely post. Time is so much more than we can comprehend. If you haven’t read this, I highly recommend it.