This third pregnancy has not been as easy as the past two. Part of that has to do with being pregnant and chasing two kids up, down, and everywhere. Of course Papa-Bug helps out, but for some much of the day it is just me with these two exuberant little people who want me to be able to Go-Go-Go with them all the time. Additionally there have been unusual stressors in my little world around family and money and life in general. My body is tired and stretched and it feels like it will never…no, never…be November.
But I didn’t start this post to complain. I was thinking about what is so unreal, so magical about pregnancy as I talked to our midwife at a recent prenatal.
There is something about the connection between me and this tiny stranger. Even on this less-than-blissful third pregnancy, I can still watch the heaves and swells of my stomach as baby moves around for untold lengths of time. I delight in finding Baby’s feet or knowing that I am patting its little butt. And though I don’t know boy or girl, if it has hair, or prefers Celtic music to NOFX (Brother-Bug and Sister-Bug’s favorite early infancy music, respectively)… I can tell you how it is feeling as it flails about, further distending my stomach wall.
What is the magic, the connection, that gives me this insight?
In the belly, Brother-Bug hated the hiccups. Sister-Bug pretty much ignored them. Baby-Bug gets the hiccups all the time, many times a day, but doesn’t seem particularly phased. My wonder is that I can tell you that Brother-Bug was bothered by the hiccups. How do I know that? How can I tell you that this kick is annoyed, while a different kick is done out of happiness? It’s something more than makes any kind of logical sense. One kick or one foot poking my round belly into a different geometrical shape feel much like one another, and look the same from the outside. But still I know.
When Baby is born it will have movements out here that I recognize from in utero. To this day, some six-years later, there is a trick of the right knee from Brother-Bug that drove me crazy as he used that same tiny knee to attempt a little extra uterine space in the last months. And the hiccups still make him really crazy.
These are the magical moments that make pregnancy worth every moment of discomfort – never mind the magic of meeting the baby. I am awake in the middle of the night with some indigestion and insomnia, because pregnancy is so fun. The baby is resting – which is unusual for this active being – and though I don’t know it’s face or name, I know it rests in a state of dreamy bliss. I wrap my hands lightly around my belly, finding feet and…that’s probably an elbow. Baby is not feeling much at the moment, mostly sleepy. Me too.