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Poisson d’Avril

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I don't like April Fools' Day. Since I'm not a huge fan of practical jokes, it's not really a holiday I have ever gotten into. I've played a prank or two, but I never felt good afterward. But I want to enjoy fun things with my kids so I started looking for practical joke options.

Here's the thing. Practical Jokes involve violating someone's right to consent.

That sounds harsh, but think about these jokes we play, the classic pranks of summer camp and sleep overs. They involve humiliation, confusion, sometimes fear, or general use of someone's body without their okay (drawing on the first person to fall asleep at the slumber party?) Even something that seems totally silly and safe – freezing a bowl of cereal and milk – results in the prankee being confused, and likely being laughed at. If you just take a peek at the language, we play a prank ON someone or do a practical joke TO someone. Never WITH**. Stuff like that matters.

As a parent trying hard to teach respect and consent, I don't feel like a holiday devoted to ignoring consent is really something I can get on board with.

Happily, there is a better way, a gentler alternative full of silliness.

In France they celebrate Poisson d'Avril – the April Fish.

The goal is to tape a paper fish on someone's back, or hold some sort of a fish behind someone without their noticing. When they do notice, the joker says “Poisson d'Avril!” and everyone laughs. It's simple, it's expected. It's easy to say “I don't want to play that this year.” and easy to respect that person's right not to consent to this game. An a parent I can play along, not noticing as my minions “sneak” behind me with their fish.

I made a batch of small felt fish with a little glitter paint and googly eyes. I'm putting them on the table with some tape. And I'm letting Poisson d'Avril rule the day. Already there has been a lot of giggling.

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**Side Note: It is, of course, possible to have a prank relationship with someone else. Everyone in the relationship understands that pranks are possible and not done out of malice. Everyone has agreed to play. This kind of relationship is awesome and develops over time, with respect and listening coming from all parties. I'm into that kind of prank. As long as there is mutual consent involved.

 

Teaching Consent

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With two boys and one girl growing up in this culture, I think about teaching my kids good lifestyle practices. I think about it a lot. I was reading this article (which is hilarious and you should read when you are done here) about a very simple metaphor to explain consent.

But here’s the thing. I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain consent to adults. Sadly, we still do, and part of the problem is that we don’t do a good job of explaining consent to kids. We don’t and we should. Consent and its surrounding concepts should be part of the language/concept soup that we raise our kids in. Also, it’s a parenting super-tool. Allow me to elaborate.

We (adults) do a lot of things that push kids’ consent realities. It’s often unavoidable. We hold our toddlers down while they flatly deny consent so that we can baby wipe their filthy little butts. Those things are necessary and part of the job. But other things – like tickle games until kids melt down and we all feel bad…those are something we (adults) get to do because we are bigger and stronger. And tickling, wrestling, and chasing are all super fun when everyone is consenting. I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater here — I still want to tickle my kids breathless and enjoy them saying “No! Stop Mommy Monster!” while I chase them. But I don’t want to abuse my size and strength and ability if it gets out of control. Then there is the forced affection issue. It’s been written about a lot in many places, so I’ll just sum up: it’s not okay to force a kid to show or receive physical affection. Not to grandparents, aunts, uncles, people who buy Girl Scout cookies… Not to anyone. Ever.

Teach Consent

*Use the Word consent* with your kids. Get it in the language. Make it a familiar word and concept. Explain it a million times. This is a parenting super-tool. Instead of saying “Brother-Bug, don’t snatch that toy! Play nice!” Instead I can ask “Brother-Bug, did you have Sister’s consent to take that toy? Sister-Bug, did you have Brother’s consent to hit him in the face?” Nope? Well, then it wasn’t a good choice. Let’s change it. Let’s do it differently. There’s not a lot of blame or finger pointing here. In sibling spats it’s often both people who are ignoring consent. Go back and do it over again. Kid climbing all over you after a long day? Adults have consent too! “Hey, I need you to get my consent before I am your jungle gym.”

*Make it the rule in your house* and help other kids understand it. This means you get to explain consent a lot more, often in front of your kids. And again, it makes dispute resolution easier. Once everyone knows what consent means, then they can go back and do over.

*Expand the phrase to Enthusiastic Consent* when appropriate. We need to know the difference between consent and enthusiastic consent. The difference between my daughter kind of shrugging her shoulders and mumbling yes to her someday-date versus a big smile and leaning in for a kiss with yes! on her lips is vast, and I know which one I want her to feel good using. (Yes, it is hard to think about my child in these types of scenarios, but they are coming along someday and I can’t get my kids ready for them if I don’t think about them. They aren’t going to be little and adorable forever.) In the here and now, with little kids, we use Enthusiastic Consent particularly in the area of weapon and fighting games. You may not, under any circumstances, use a weapon with/on/at a person in this house/yard without their Enthusiastic Consent. Again, this leads to me doing a fair amount of explaining to other kids.

*Explain when you violate their consent* and use consent language. I’ll stick with the toddler and poopy butt scenario from earlier because that’s where the Toddler-Bug and I find ourselves these days. “I know you don’t want me to wipe your butt and you are doing everything you can to show and tell me that I don’t have your consent. I’d love for you to put your poop in the potty and then I wouldn’t have to wipe your butt like this. But until we get there, my job is to keep you healthy and part of that is cleaning the poop off you. You can say yes and consent to this and I’d love that. Or you can poop in the potty. But my job means I have to ignore your consent for this moment, even if you don’t like what I am doing.” Yes, I have this little discussion with my toddler on the daily right now. Do this with car seats, bedtime, diapers, and whatever else you can. Stop and respect their space and consent if possible – at least for a minute. Give them the opportunity to decide to consent to something they can’t control anyway.

*Stand up for your kids’ right to consent* with everyone. I was stunned and a little outraged  at Brother-Bug’s last check-up. He was doing great, everything was lovely. And then the doctor went to manually examine my son’s genitals without telling him what she was doing!! Brother-Bug did exactly right. He jumped and hit the doctor’s hands away and said something like “What the heck!?” I explained to the doctor that my kids had been taught that no one should touch their genitals without their permission once they were able to keep them clean on their own time. Ever. Anyone. And she should ask. The doctor looked chagrined and talked to Brother-Bug about what she was going to do and why. It’s one of those places where we don’t think to look for consent, but we must.

And don’t force your child to kiss, hug, talk to, high five, or interact with anyone just because they *should*. That’s just…swear words. Kids will learn how to use good manners because we show them good manners. They will learn to hug people they want to hug when they see us hug people we want to hug.

Finally,

*Give your kids a safe word*. Nope. I’m not joking. Remember the tickle games I mentioned early on? They are super fun and everyone feels good in our house because we have a safe word. It’s a funny one. One that won’t be said in the craziness of the moment like No or Stop. Ours is FishPepper. If someone in a game says FishPepper, all game play stops. Sometimes just for a moment while everyone catches their breath. Sometimes for good. We are careful about using our safe word; the big kids know that it is a powerful word and they must use it only ever For Real or it will lose it’s power. Just in the last week or so, Toddler-Bug started using it of his own free will when Papa-Bug was tickling him! It was a proud moment. Our two-year old knows how to use consent concepts!

I’m going to digress for a moment. I assumed that we just know that No Means No. And we teach that too. But sometimes we are playing games and No is confusingly fun. Sometimes it’s hard to hear. No should always mean no with kids and their games. But if we get carried away (kids or adults) it’s really good to have a fallback safe word. You can play harder. I promise.

This means more explaining. To kids friends: “Oh! Sister-Bug just said FishPepper. In our house that means she needs everything to stop for a minute until she feels safe.” To their care-people: “Thanks for watching our kids…their safe word is FishPepper…just in case you are playing. That means they need to stop until they feel safe.” To parents of other kids: “My kids taught your kid the concept of a safe word…{how we use safe words with kids}…so if you hear your child using the idea of a safe word, you know where she got it.”

I always try to do the explaining in front of kids. I want them to hear me explain and support consent over and over and over and over.

If we all did this, as parents and people who love the kids we are around, eventually…someday…we would have to explain consent to adults a lot less. And maybe our kids could do it lovingly for us!!

So go out in the world and give your kids a safe word.

Reason Five: Different Levels and Styles

There are so many reasons we choose to homeschool. Here we are on the fifth one. I was thinking about this today as I hunted around on the internet for a worksheet for Brother-Bug. I was thinking about this yesterday as I worked with Sister-Bug as she read a BOB Book.

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Reason Five: Different Levels and Styles

Brother-Bug was a precocious reader. He came to me at 3 1/2 and said “Mama, I’m not really reading my books.” I asked him what he meant. “Well, I am only looking at the pictures. Not reading the words.” I asked him if he wanted to read the words. He said no. Two months later he was back. “Mama, I am ready to read the words now.” And he did. We got some easy readers, we played on Starfall. I expected him to lose interest in a couple of days. But everyday the first thing out of his mouth was “When is my reading time today?” He drove the project and read Hop On Pop independently before he turned four. By his fifth birthday he was reading things like Magic Treehouse to himself. Sister-Bug is almost five. She wants to be a reader, but it’s not her main priority. So we play sight word games and read some BOB books and use our felt alphabet to spell easy words. She has some reading games on the iPad and also enjoys Starfall. But it’s not easy for her like it was for Brother-Bug. She needs me to keep it fresh and engaging and fun. Brother-Bug needed me to reach the easy readers off the shelf.

As I write this, Toddler-Bug is sitting on my lap. He’s singing Mamma-Mia (ABBA…yes, I know…). He’s very musical and has crazy fine-motor skills. Eventually he is also going to learn to read and he will also learn in a different way. And that’s part of why we are here, homeschooling. Sister-Bug loves working systematically thorough a math workbook. Brother-Bug needs more challenge – he get’s math concepts very quickly and needs those concepts to change and grow and diversify. He gets so bored with a linear book.
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Because these are my kids, because I have watched them grow and learn and change from babies, I can make that distinction. Because they are the only 3 kids in my “class”, I can teach each one a different way and follow their lead on what they need and how they learn. And because of this, I believe they are learning deeply and well. They are not struggling to learn in a format that is unnatural for them, which would make that subject doubly challenging.

Additionally, we are not locked into a single grade level. Brother-Bug does 2-3rd grade math, but reads like a 4-5th grader. His writing is around 1st grade (that’s his hardest thing). Sister-Bug is just about on track for K-1st, but she’s still mostly playing in her school work and we don’t pay too much attention to her grade levels. No one is bored in an too easy class or frustrated in a too hard subject because I can adjust our lessons and experiences to fit in that niche of just challenging enough. I can pull us down a level if we are getting so frustrated we can’t learn or add complexity if we are feeling bored. I can add tactile elements for my SPD kid, or do all StarWars writing all the time to engage my StarWars obsessed child. It’s my choice, and their education, and I am so glad that we have the time and flexibility to reach each child in their time, and on their level.

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Want to see our other reasons to homeschool?

Reason One: A Hot Cup of Tea

Reason Two: School Scheduled Around Life

Reason Three: Play Happens

Reason Four: Getting Out or Staying In

Recipe: Gluten Free Chocolate Cupcakes

It’s so busy. And, honestly, my desire to write has been faltering recently. Posts and articles aren’t popping into my head like they usually do. So it’s been quiet around here. But I’m pulling it back together and digging through the drafts and making a brainstorm list of new content and who knows what else.

This recipe is almost a year old now. I made these Gluten Free Cupcakes for Sister-Bug’s “Pinkaliscious” birthday party last March.

I’ve been playing around with different flour mixes when I bake gluten-free. I hit on a mix that I used in cupcakes that was just perfect. Papa-Bug, who is notoriously picky about gluten-free baking, couldn’t tell that these cupcakes were anything other than normal. Everyone munched them up.
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Gluten-Free Chocolate Cupcakes

I used the Chocolate Layer Cake recipe on page 724 of Mark Bittman’s “How to Cook Everything” as a guide.

Flour Mix:

3/4 cup rice flour
1/2 cup millet flour
1/4 cup each tapioca and cornstarch

8 tbl. soft, unsalted butter

3 oz. unsweetened chocolate, roughtly chopped

1 cup sugar

3 eggs separated

1 tsp. vanilla

2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

3/4 tsp xanthan gum

1 1/4 cup milk

Preheat the oven to 350* and prepare your cupcake liners/pans.

Melt the chocolate over low heat in a double boiler. Remove from the heat when it is almost melted and stir until it’s all smooth.

Cream the butter until fluffy, add the sugar, egg yolks, and vanilla and keep whipping it while slowly adding the chocolate.

Mix together the flour mix, baking powder, salt, and xanthan gum in a separate bowl. Add to the butter/sugar a little at a time, alternating with the milk. Stir until just mixed and smooth.

Whip egg whites to soft peaks and fold in carefully – taking your time!) after mixing everything else.

Baked 25-30 min. until the toothpick came out clean. Let stand for 5 minutes and cool on a wire rack.

No one will know these are gluten-free.

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I’ll probably use a similar recipe for Sister-Bug’s upcoming 5th birthday party. She’s going to see Cinderella with her besties, so I get to do the requisite bowl cake with a doll for a Cinderella themed cake. Just like my mom did for me once upon a time.

 

Cozy Jar Wraparound (A Knitting Pattern)

I re-discovered knitting this year AND I finally learned how to crochet. I made more than a dozen hats for various people to give as Holiday presents. I frogged a sweater I made ages ago that I never really liked and I am going to cast a new sweater on soon…To celebrate the New Year I think. First I’ll knit one more hat for a friend who just started chemo and wants a Wolf hat.

It’s just the right thing for me right now. Meditative, productive, calming, and portable. I’ve made up 2 patterns in the last month. I’d never made up a knitting pattern before! Nothing tricky, but we have to start somewhere, right?

So I offer to you, as a late Holiday gift, one of the patterns I made up. It’s just a simple cozy for a drinking jar. These took me less than an hour to knit (both together!) and I love the way they look. photo 1 photo 2 photo 3

Cozy Jar Wraparound

Very basic cozy for a wide-mouth pint canning jar. Knitted with Lion Homespun yarn in the pictures, but anything that will get about 3 stitches to an inch on size 10 needles will work.

The holder has 2 rows of K1/P1 ribbing on top and bottom and 3 columns of seed stitch up each side. The main part is knitted in Stockinette and there are 2 buttonholes on one side.

Cast on 36.

Row 1: K1 P1 all the way across.

Row 2: P1 K1 P1 (P1 K1* to last 3 st.) K1 P1 K1

Row 3: K1 P1 K1 (Knit (30) to last 3 st. P1 K1 P1

Row 4: P1 K1 P1 (Purl (30) to last 3 st.) K1 P1 K1

Row 5: K1 P1 K1, Bind off 3 st., purl to last 3 st. (27), P1 K1 P1

Row 6: P1 K1 P1, Cast on 3 st., knit to last 3 st. (27), K1 P1 K1

Row 7-10: Repeat rows 3 & 4 twice.

Rows 11-12: Repeat rows 5 & 6.

Row 13: Repeat row 1.

Row 14: Repeat row 2


Bind off. Sew 2 1” buttons on the button side and weave in your ends.

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I graphed it out so that I could make sure I typed out each row correctly. Xs are knits around the edge.

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That’s it. Simple, but I am pleased with building my skills and expanding my hobby. What new skills have you learned in the last year? What are some of your favorite hobbies?

DIY Flag Ornaments

I love the way our ornament collection grows, full of memory. The wobbly salt dough ornaments from various childhoods, the bugs we painted with glitter one year (Brother-Bug has a millipede ornament), first ornaments of the kids, the angel ornament that adorned the top my our first mutual tree some 11 years ago – so small a tree (table top rosemary) that this angel ornament was almost too big. My childhood ornaments, Papa-Bug's childhood ornaments. It's precious.

This year I ended up with extra glass globes – empty and waiting. They came in a six pack and I only needed two. So I started looking around online. I found this lovely silhouette idea…

Nativity Silhouette Ornaments

But I wanted something to save This Year.

As you know, we are studying global cultures (and really enjoying it). So flags, I thought. Something fun and special just for us. Something to remind us of this year of travel from home and study of things abroad.

I found flag pictures online, tweaked them in Photoshop a bit, and printed them on vellum. Then following the tutorial I stuck them to acetate and put them in the globes. Of course we added glitter. We almost always add glitter, especially at Christmastime. Glitter and/or sprinkles.

These look really good from all angles, and especially lovely in front of the tree lights. Because of the fragile ornaments, I did most of the actual work. But the kids picked their own flags and were right there in the way while we made these. All four ornaments took only about 20 minutes total.

 

Sister-Bug chose Brazil. We studied Brazil in September and October and she loves all things Brazillian right now.

Brother-Bug chose Thailand. He wanted Japan, but the Japanese flag would have looked kind of like just a red dot…so he went for Thailand. We haven't had a Thai unit yet, but my mom and her sweetie have travelled in Thailand a lot, so we love it for that.

I picked Hungary for Toddler-Bug. He was asleep (because I wouldn't do a glass ornament project with an active and wakeful toddler). Papa-Bug has roots in Hungary and it seemed like fun. It was really hard to choose – so many good flags out there.

Finally, for Papa-Bug and me, I went with South Africa. Because Nelson Mandela. And wanting the best global representation I could get in four flags.

So that's our ornament of the year. They are glowing and beautiful on the tree. Another memory preserved to cherish.

And now I must be off. Brother-Bug is performing in our local Nutcracker tonight. I have to get my Little Angel (for that is what he is onstage) fed and rested and ready to go. It's going to be a big night.

Happy Tree Trimming.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FLASH Give Away! Baby Blocks

I am a huge fan of my new nieces. Here is a picture of one being held and loved by Papa-Bug and Toddler-Bug. This toddler loves his wee cousin so much.

Juniper

Clearly this is something to celebrate. (And you wonder where my other niece is? She’s littler and I don’t have any good pictures of her yet…)

Good Natured block set 2

So I am celebrating by Giving Away some wonderful, handmade fabric blocks. Iris Says makes beautiful baby things and I love supporting a Mom using her creativity to help support her family. Mary Beth, the block creator, is offering up a set of soft blocks and three different taggie blocks for my readers to win!

Roadtrip 1

Full disclosure – I am receiving some blocks from Iris Says for doing this giveaway. I love the Iris Says products and I’d certainly buy them for my babies or nieces or whoever. I’m running the give away through Rafflecopter to keep things fair and balanced (and to give you lots of chances to win!). No one in my immediate family is allowed to enter. I am not receiving anything except the blocks I already mentioned.

Wee Wander 1

Using the Rafflecopter Widget at the bottom of this post you can enter to win any one of four prizes. A set of three soft blocks, or one of three different taggie blocks.

This is a FAST Give Away – it closes day after tomorrow! So don’t hesitate. Click on the Rafflecopter link at the bottom and enter, enter, enter.

Iris Says will get them in the mail to you ASAP, hoping the Holiday Magic works to get your blocks to you in time for Christmas.

Owls 1

So which one is your favorite? The soft blocks? (I LOVE the print on these…but foxes are my favorite.)

Good Natured block set 1The Owls?

Owls 2

The Wee Wanderer?

Wee Wander 2

Or the Road Trip?

Roadtrip 2

You can see more of what Iris Says creates at the Website, Etsy Store, or Facebook Page.

Now to enter! Good luck to everyone!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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